S'kay

So, I'm like at work and like working and my first client canceled yesterday so I had like this whole hour and a half to catch up on like all the stuff that I just never, ever, ever get to because I am usually like so busy and this guy shows up and asks to like talk to me and I say like, well, OK.

Then he starts to talk and tells me that, you know, he is the new guy doing that thing that, you know, like was supposed to be my job and all that stuff about how they like picked my stupid brain and like conned me into teaching some of them how I do, you know, like what I do and here he is, like arriving unannounced and everything and like expecting me to just drop everything because he is like the new guy and he wants me to take a few minutes and like teach him everything I know about what I do, 'cuz like he is really, really busy and doesn't have like all that much time, what with his new job and everything.

S'kay, so I like look at him like what the heck Jack and he says like well, can we do this now?  And I like say to him, ummmm...like I'm really sorry, but I have a client coming in a few minutes and all that and he says, well what time is he getting here and I'm like all, hey dude, like the guy will get here when he gets here and the guy says, well, can't we just sit down and do it now?  And, I'm like all nooooo, I can't because the client is coming in and I'm like preparing and all that and he leans over and looks at my computer screens, and oh, yeah, I have two computers, like this older PC and a new laptop, or at least new from last year and I'm like, in my head, saying ummmm, hey dude put your eyes back in your head and like mind your own business, you dweeb.

It is like so clear that this guy is like totally out of his element and I'm like oh, fine, take a bit of mercy on the guy and try to help him out even though he is like totally being an asshole with the whole rude and pushy thing and so I like say to him well, like I'm really busy here on Wednesdays and if you like you can make an appointment for next week or the week after if like next week is already filled up or something, which I am not sure because the front people take appointment stuff for me and like it is cool because I don't have to play like phone tag with people and all that.

Oh god and then he says like well, can't I just sit in when your client like gets here and that should be enough for me to like figure out what you do here and I'm like all so sorry, but like I do my best to like protect my clients' privacy and all that, so, I'm so sorry, but I can't do that and really like it would take probably like a few weeks of every day one-on-one time with someone to give them the tools they need to like do what I do.  Stupid you-know-what. Although I don't like say any of that last stuff, OK?

And, then, get this, he like says well, what do you have free for the rest of this week and I'm like seriously staring at his stupidity and rudeness but I'm like holding it all together and staying like professional and all that and I say in my sweet voice that sounds genuinely sweet to people who like don't really know me very well and I say like I'm so sorry, but the rest of my week is like all filled up.  And like he's all insulted because even though he thinks that I'm being all sweet when I'm really thinking what the fuck and so I say that even though I can't help you right now and in my head I'm thinking yeah, dude, please fucking excuse me for not dropping everything and bending over so that you can like have your way with me. 

Oh, s'kay, so then I ask him what they already like have to help their clients and he says ummm, like nothing and I'm all like well, didn't you guys get your grant and the money and the computers and all that and he goes like ummmm, no we just have a couple of computers but we're like hoping to get more and I say like you really don't have anything yet and he's like ummmm, yeah.

So, like, you know, I can tell that this is going nowhere like fast and I like tell him that there is another resource in town that would be able to help him learn how to do something like what I do, like it is sort of the same but like really different but it would at least like get them started because I know that they are supposed to begin the service on like Monday and all that.  So I tell him what the resource is and he like goes all apeshit on me, on his inside, but I can see it leaking out of him like warm syrup and I repeat that they are a great resource but I don't tell him like that I am constantly fixing the stuff that people get from them and like that is at least a quarter of the work that I like do for my clients. 

So, then he's just like standing there and I like take his hand and shake it and he's like what the hell like he never shook anyone's hand before and like he probably never did because he's like rude dude and all that.

So, then he's like gone and I'm all sort of offended and sort of pissed and like that because this is like the third time that these people have like rained on my parade and I'm also starting to feel just plain bad about the whole thing and then like the director of the place I work walks by and she's like really busy like she usually is but I ask her for a moment and I like tell her everything that happened and I'm like all apologizing for being such a selfish bitchzilla and she's like hey, those guys are trying to take advantage of you and like you should not feel bad about it, girlfriend.

And, I'm like all happy dancing in the streets because I'm not a bitchzilla, just a poor girl trying to like do her best and all that and I go back to my desk and like work some more because the client still hasn't shown up and all that.

S'kay so then I start to shame spiral and am feeling all like totally and sadly wonked out about rude dude because he clearly does not have like any clues about professional behavior much less any concept of like courtesy but I'm like feeling like I should be helping these poor guys and I look up the contact phone number in the on-line newspaper and like write it down and go find a phone where I was going to call and apologize or something stupid like that.  So, you can totally imagine my surprise when the head guy answers the phone and I tell him what happened and like what the guy said and did and what I said and did and he's like oh, I'm so sorry and I'll like talk to him and I'm like cool.

So then he starts talking about how like cool I was when I talked to him all that time ago before they got the grant and how like helpful I was and how like grateful he was that I had given him like a whole hour and I didn't even remember that we talked for that long because I'm like so into what I do and I get so excited about sharing the process with like anyone who will listen, you know?

And I'm like sharing how impossible it is to teach someone to do what I do in like just an hour or even like ten hours and I ask what software they are using on their grant provided computers and he's like, ummm, well, we don't have any software and I'm like, dude, what were you planning to do with the people who come to you and he's like well, we have this one volunteer who maybe like knows how to handle herself and this other volunteer who like has never volunteered for anything before and I'm like going whoa in my head but saying stuff like oh and oh dear and oh my.

Then, so there's this silence which is complete and utter silence on his end of the phone line and like filled with gear grinding noises and steam engines chugging and stuff like sliding around and shifting from one level to another in my head on my end of the line.  And then I like say, ummmm dude would you like some help and he like says oh man that would be like super great and divine and I would love you forever and have your babies if you would like help us out here because we're like drowning in despair and all that.  Or like close to that.

S'kay so then anyway I like say to him, dude, let me put down the phone now and I can't put you on hold because this phone is way too like complicated and how the hell does anyone here know how to work the damn thing and he's like oh my precious, I will wait until the end of time for you and I like put down the phone and go over to my computer and look up the url of the software company that they should have like already known about because every damn person is using this stuff, even the resource that I like gave to rude dude and I come back and I give him the url and how to use the site and tell him that when they get the software I'll like come over and teach everyone how to like use it and give them some worksheets that they can like use to help the people who will be coming there and all that and he's like already worshiping me like the goddess I am and I'm all like it's OK dude, just get over it.

So then I go to find my director to tell her that I like caved and called the head guy and that I directed him to like buy the right stuff and that I'm going to help them and she's like oh, babe, you're not exactly stupid for like helping these morons but they don't deserve it and all that.  Then she says like how could they just come over here and like think that they could use you like a public teeter-totter and then just like walk away and how would they like it if you like went to them and said like hey, I like what you do so why don't you just sit down with me for like an hour and teach me everything and I realized that her royalocity of one of the reasons that I like working here so much and I'm like right on sister and I went back to my desk and got back to work and all that.

So, like that was my day.