So, the kitties are better. Not that they were manifesting any behaviors regarding the sad state of their teeth, but that is the way of cats, they suffer in silence, and I think that that aspect is what is causing me such distress.
Yeah, I am still nearly incapacitated by the vet bill, but I cannot stop obsessing about the pain that L must have been in with those lesions on her teeth. Today is their last day of pain medication and I am thrilled because swooping them up and shooting this stuff into their mouths twice a day is doing nothing to improve their wariness of me or to help lessen my guilt about all of this.
The doc has assured me that there is not anything that can be done about this disease they have, but I am worried about either of them suffering again. I am also worried about how to pay for more treatments and surgeries. The mister was well prepared. He had everything in writing before we went ahead with this week's tests and procedures. I made certain of that. Another fear is that this is going to be like every other time that he approves something (although never before at this great amount) and then changes his mind after the fact, particularly when the bill rolls in. I am ready for this time, though. I have taken the full amount out of my savings for my trip and when he goes all insane on my ass about the costs, I will have the cash to hand to him. I probably should do that now, but I am holding back just in case he does not start yelling about the whole mess.
I am not sorry that I, we, agreed to do this, but L is seven years old and C is eleven and they have lots of teeth left, with lots of potential surgeries. I am so conflicted. I brought them into my life with the commitment to do whatever it took to give them a good life. They are mine and I am a faithful person. Hell, more than four decades of marriage proves that.
Just going to have to wait and see what happens. What is that thing about worry? Something like worry is payment on a debt you do not yet have, or something like that. I just looked it up, was only kind of close: Worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due. ~William Ralph Inge
Here are a few more that helped me to feel a little better.
You can't wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time. ~Pat Schroeder
Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere. ~Glenn Turner
If things go wrong, don't go with them. ~Roger Babson
Worry is rust upon the blade. ~Henry Ward Hughes
Somehow our devils are never quite what we expect when we meet them face to face. ~Nelson DeMille
Well, that one is just plain wrong...they are always worse.
