Still better

I am not the only person here who does not appreciate my coughing.  In some perverted way that comforts me, even though I do not like being chided..

I did manage to get nearly eleven hours of sleep in the past few days (six of it midday today) and, frankly, it feels great.  I know that you cannot ever catch up on missed sleep and that comforts me, too, because if you could, I would have to sleep round the clock for the better part of a week.  Yes, I am so desperate for something to do that I did the math.

I kind of scared myself just a bit before I dropped off to slumberland, when I could not catch my breath and the first part of the Cough That Would Not Die was a longish exhalation that was a wheeze, followed by a small gag/choke and then the staccato of hacking.  It still happens, but not as long.  Frankly, when it happened earlier today, I was then afraid to go to sleep, but I finally just passed out anyway.  I guess I am getting used to what seems to be the next phase in this fucking thing.

I had a lovely dinner of roasted chicken wings, but could not eat any potato or the pears that I had planned for dessert.  Hey, that sounds like I had actually done a meal plan!  Good on me!  Whatever.

In the heartfelt and do-or-die desire to sleep when normal people sleep and function during the daylight hours when normal people are functioning, I have a plan.  Tonight I am taking the maximum dose of a drowse-inducing, night-time cold medicine.  I am hoping to be asleep, or very close to it, by 11:00 tonight.

Gods, I hope that works.

It might, because just eating dinner and putting the left-overs away totally exhausted me.  That is just totally messed up. 

I am hot and sweaty because it is so blazing hot in here.  I swear, it is a good thing that I do not ever get to see any of the bills here, because I am certain that the heating/cooling/electric bills would give me a heart attack, and I absolutely do not need another health-related issue, although the heat alone might kill me yet.  

I tried keeping a door open, but that apparently is not allowed, which is nice in the aspect that doors and windows cannot be opened during the other three seasons, so I guess that makes for a nice pattern.  I asked, once again, if that person who is not me was too cold and was told that he was not.  So, what is the point?  I cannot figure any of it out.  Most of what happens here stymies me.  I simply do not understand any of it and I am apparently way too stupid to have any of my questions answered.  I few days ago I was informed that patience has run out in regards to my smart ass comments, which, honestly, are as benign and non-committal, non-confrontational and polite as it is possible to be.  I give enormous time and thought before I speak aloud about anything.

And, the comments are not really even comments, but answers to questions posed to me for which there are no safe answers.  So, I always try to be as mild and quiet as possible when I do answer, but that is not working any more.  If there is no safe way to speak or look or walk or do anything, then what is left?  What am I supposed to do?  There must be a way there, somewhere, but I am damned if I can find it.

Another sad thing is that one of my on-line friends (we follow each other's blogs, although hers is wonderful and not crappy like mine), and she took offense at something I wrote a few weeks back.  She left an angry comment, later deleted it and removed herself from my pathetic list of followers.  

Then, today, I found out that she has blocked me from viewing her blog.  

What the hell is that about?  

I mean, I offend practically everyone with what I write here.  

I am a all purpose offender.  This, the writing that I do here, is all about my inner process.  

I do not filter anything.  I just let it stream out through my fingertips and it is what it is.  That is it.  Nothing less, nothing more.  I have no sub-context.  I have no hidden agendas.  Hell, I do not even have any visible or apparent agendas.  This is where I spew, just get all of the crap out so that it does not fester or bother me or hurt me the way hidden crap does, you know, the kind of stuff we keep swallowing down, where it eats at us and fills us up with despair until we end up offing ourselves or going outside and beating the car into oblivion.  

Then, when the police show up, the neighbors say things like, "Oh, she was the quietest person on the block.  We never heard a peep out of her.  Golly, we hardly ever saw her.  Are you sure she was the one who threw that transmission into the street?"  

So, this is where I get rid of all of that stuff.  It is not my intention of offend anyone; I never even think or consider that anyone will read this stuff.  Why is she feeling singled out?  Why does she even care?  This is not about her.  She knows that, for chrissakes.

But, she is mad at me, like really, really mad.  Lordy.

Well, time for a few more Mah Jong games before I take my pharmaceuticals and sleep the sleep of the mucus hackers who are full of pharmaceuticals.

Dinner, however was wonderful and the cats loved it just as much as I did and there is plenty for the next few  days, especially the potatoes that no one ate, and we have fresh butter and sour cream for them.  Yum.  Now, that is something to dream about.