about the first of the trips this month. The trip, except for the almost accident, was great, no highlights or anything, but an extension of what passes for my life these days and that is satisfying enough, simply to recognize that. I have used three parts of the vacation month plan that I made and begin the final one tomorrow, but will be home by the weekend.
One thing that I can share is that Dorothy was right. There is not any place like home, even when home is not remotely on speaking terms with happiness or peace, much less perfection. Sometimes you get to see and understand that your life is as wonderful as you make it and that despite our lack of control over most things, we do control how we respond to what we have and what happens to us. I guess that has to be enough. Maybe it is everything.
Well, for now it has to be the everything part. No more close calls and even though the transportation vehicles were much larger than the shuttle vehicle that nearly crashed, I still am being hauled around by a stranger who may or may not stay alert and not potentially injure, maim or kill the passengers. I begin the final part of the September journeys early tomorrow morning. Again, in a really big coach and, again, with a stranger driving. On the day trip on Thursday I sat near the front of the coach, but positioned in a way that I could not monitor or see the dashboard. Except for a queasy stomach and some mild anxiety, I was mostly fine. I was traveling solo and did not have anyone to distract me. I read a bit, watched the scenery a bit and arrived home unscathed.
Yesterday was a longer day-trip and was full enough so that I and my friends sat in the last two rows of seats. From that vantage I could not see anything and that was just fine. There were a few traffic related bumps and jumps and starts (of the startle kind) and I was still fine. Tomorrow's trip will be the longest in a coach and I have a good feeling that I will not feel any alarm or concern at all.
And, I think the most important thing that I am feeling is how stupid this is. The thing is over, all is well and time marches on with or without me, so I might as well get back in step. It is too exhausting to be on high alert all the time. Things will happen or they will not. Trying to control, or simply monitor, what cannot be controlled is insanity. I think that I am finished being crazy, at least for a while.
The next not quite a week of traveling will be wonderful and I will see lots of fall colors and have good food and a lovely room in which to spend a few longs days reading, sewing, napping and taking short walks along the shore. I might even take a day train trip into Canada. I have caught a train fever and more trips on the rails are certainly in my future.
Two final things. The first is that I have found that having access to a television is a mixed bag. There is not a large variety of cool stuff to watch on the channels available in a hotel room. However, that does not prevent me from having the set on most of the time that I am in the room. I have watched some really dumb stuff, acknowledged that it was dumb and immediately went back for more. The experience has made clear that I will never go back to having a television service at home. I would waste huge and important chunks (days...weeks...years?) of my life watching dumb stuff. Over the past several years of not having television access I often wondered what I might be missing. I am certain that there are tons of stuff that would be informative, but I would likely ignore that good stuff and fill my time with the dreck. And, besides, watching would severely cut into my mah jong playing time. I mean, seriously.
The other thing is that even when things to not turn out very well, maybe especially when they do not turn out very well, that as long as your intentions are the highest and your efforts are the best and you are not trying to impose yourself or your beliefs or ideals on anyone else and things still go to heck in a hand basket, it is fine. Fine is enough, even if some suffering and misunderstanding comes along with it. Fine is fine, it might even be good, although not likely great, at least with the whole personal suffering aspects.
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