Just sitting here, still downtown, and wondering what it is going to be like when I have to go home. I am feeling pleasantly tired. Lots of strenuous work yesterday and a nice session in front of the less-hollow-all-the-time guy that will be my contribution to the show here next month. I am feeling dreamy and vulnerable, especially that vulnerable crap, for all sort of reasons.
Moving here for a couple of weeks was a great idea, inspired even. My chances of finding a place to live are so small, and now that I am living here I can see how truly small they are. I really have to make friends here, or at least some kind of connections, in order to find a safe and affordable place. Now that I am here and doing actual studio work, my wants have changed. Now I want a place where I can live and work, but I will settle for a place that works for working along with settling for living in my regular location. It feels like moving backwards. I just do not know. Even if it is, it is still movement of some kind. Sort of.
It has been a long time since working on any big art and there is so much that I had forgotten about the process. Gosh, I do not know if I want to write about this. This is deep, personal and inner-sanctum stuff and even though hardly anyone reads any of this spewing, sharing my process is a risky thing to do and I am not sure that I can or should do it. It is not as though I think that sharing will dilute or disturb the process, it is that I suddenly realized that it reveals parts of me that I might not be willing to share. I am not being selfish, just protective. Or something.
Alrighty, this much. I am not the kind of artist that gets an idea and just plunges into producing it. Well, that is not entirely true because I can and have often done just that, especially when someone want something fast, fast and even faster. There is a jumping off of the cliff kind of energy that fuels that sort of project.
My usual process is more studied than that. Some things go fairly quickly, time wise, and some take longer, like weeks or months to fully manifest to the point where the nuts and bolts of the work can begin. Once that happens, when I find myself in that place, the work takes over and I just go along for the ride. And,that last portion is fast.
That was not so bad. I shared a bit and did not share the big, behind the curtain parts. Survived. Whew.
In a couple of hours I am treating myself to lunch with a friend and will be able to sit and eat, gossip and leave all of my crap behind for a while. I love that kind of escape. I am not sure that I would enjoy living in that rarefied space of forgetting and ignoring my regular life, but I do appreciate those moments when they present themselves. Blood sugar be damned, I think that I will have something sweet and forbidden for dessert. Or, maybe not. Maybe.
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