My perspective is broken

I think that it must have been damaged in the whole divesting thing.  Like when I was busily getting rid of this and tossing that in the trash and bundling and filling boxes with all the rest of that stuff, it must have been sitting there waiting to be used for something important and I must have bumped it and knocked it ass-over-teakettle.  Like that.

Yesterday was horrible and I felt horrible, which really was the horrible part of it.  I wonder if I had too much
chocolate on Sunday and my blood sugar was all wonky.  Maybe it was the antibiotics or not enough chocolate or the moon phase or maybe I really am mad, crazy, insane.  The thing was, that I felt anxious, just out of nowhere.  I rarely, practically never, feel anxiety for no good reason, but I did yesterday and it was weird because that has been a topic of discussion at the other place.  So, it had to be the chocolate.  Oh, yeah, I was looking at the mannequin that needs filling and realized that I am leaving on Wednesday for ten days and still do not have him adequately filled, nor have his hips been drilled for suspension on his frame. 

Did that encourage me to get up and do some of that?  Of course not.  But, I did saw out a section of his torso and I am filling a suitcase with the flotsam and jetsam with which he will be filled and will take that along with me.    That done, I still sent myself to bed with nameless anxiety still coursing through my own ample frame and sleep did not come for hours. 

Today is fine, except for where the perspective comes in.  That anxiety, those helpless and vulnerable feelings, well, none of that is any part of me and worry that I will begin to pointlessly worry about what might happen instead of simply dealing with things as they happen.  That is my usual management style and is my proper perspective, and I do not want to let that be affected by the other things that are happening here.  I control that on which I can have an effect.  I prepare for what is likely to happen.  I respond appropriately when things do happen.  I believe that I am safe in a way that I have not been for a long time.  That is what adequate preparation does for me.  But, yesterday was too intense, it was too real and felt like the recognition of a new reality here.  I will not have that.  I cannot.

I learned some excellent breathing exercises yesterday and now have some self-treatment ready for if this happens again.  I am hoping that it will not, but at least I am prepared.