Sunday

I wrote a really great article today, if I do say so myself.  And, yes, I do say so.  Great article, Juds.  I think that the article I wrote for the newspaper was published last week, but I do not read the paper, so I am not sure.  They said they were printing it and I guess that they did.  Do not know, though.  Did not see it.

So, anyway, I keep having these dreams, as in bad dreams.  Every morning when I wake up I remember several of them.  They are icky and I hate them.  I mean, I really do hate having these dreams.  I cannot think of anything else or anyone that I actually hate, but these dreams necessitate the creation of an I hate this crap list.  At the top of that list are the dreams that are waking me up every few hours most nights.  I hate those dreams the most.  I have been waking up sweating, panting, struggling and crying and yelling. 

Four times I have woken believing that I was in a real-life situation and it took me whole minutes to come to my senses and begin to calm.   After the first couple of weeks of this I started telling myself, before sleep, that
there would not be any bad dreams.  No bad dreams.  When that did not work, I started saying that if there were going to be bad dreams that I would not remember them.   That has worked better.  Sometimes.

I know about dreams and their patterns.  I do dream work, for chrissakes.  I know how to modify or make these stop for a while, at least.  So, the fact that nothing I do is helping is informative to the process.  It is.  This is another thing I 'get'.  The problem is, of course, that I cannot do anything about the cause of the dreams.  I cannot do anything about the day stuff. 

I had a year or two or seven or so where I was waking myself with crying almost all the time.  I did have any recall about the dreams when I awoke and I do not have any now, but I remember how I felt every time it happened. 

Well, then, I guess that I am hoping that the dreams will simply go away on vacation when I am on vacation.  They cannot come with me and have to find their own holiday site.  Yeah, even I know that will not work.  But, it is a nice dream, anyway. 

So far the dreams are the only thing on the list and I am hoping that having this list will not make it easier to hate anything or anyone.  I am hoping, anyway.

Plus, the lack of sleep is messing with my appetite.  Either I cannot eat for days or I cannot cram enough food down my gullet during my waking hours.  Lordy.

Then, a little while ago I was helping someone find a particular on-line application site, jobs you know, and came across the following paragraph on the site's introduction page. 

We believe that every person has the right to be treated with respect and dignity regardless of race, religion, color, creed, national origin, age, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, disability, veteran or military status, marital status, or citizenship status, and other categories protected by applicable federal state and local laws. It is just a shame that a company has to actually go and have someone write that to put on their site.  It should be a given, one of those unspoken but perfectly understood things that are part of a life or a business or on-line job application.  You know, I get it.  I worked in business for over, gosh, forty years and I understand how things go.   I have known people who are serious and intentional violators of what is upheld in that statement.  I know that it is a necessary part of doing business now.  It is just that I kind of wish that I lived in a world where not doing those things would never even occur to anyone.  You know?