Looking on the bright side

I try to do than anyway, but with all the possible changes in my life, that is becoming more difficult; I have to make a conscious effort once in a while.

Tomorrow is my long day at the library and it is one day shy of my first anniversary of doing that work.  Even I have a hard time wrapping my mind around that.  I was hoping to make something sweet and kind of small in the portion-size department to take to celebrate, but I am too weary lately.  No energy.  No stamina.  No interest in doing anything.  A friend gave me a gift card to Walgreen's for my birthday and I was hoping to use that to buy some treats on the way to work tomorrow morning, but I cannot find it.  I wonder if it was in my coin purse that I lost at the charity shop.  Wherever it is, it makes no difference if I do not know where that is.

I will be looking at an apartment on Friday afternoon.  I will be visiting my daughter and the babies in the morning and until they take their naps.  I am not telling her about it, it is bad enough that she knows that I am looking for a place.  I am not certain if I shared how that happened, but it did and, gosh, I was hoping to keep all of this to myself until it was done.  Even then I was not planning on telling her or anyone else the finer details of how this came to be.  Crap.

So, anyway, after I look at that apartment, I will be driving around in that town, looking for places that might be within walking distance of groceries and stuff like that, but most importantly, the library.  I will not have a car or the Internet or my cats or my volunteering jobs or much of anything, so the library is what will keep me sane.

I am feeling very sad about leaving the women that began as my SS assignments, but have long since become my friends.  One of them can no longer drive and oh gosh, oh crap, this is all just too sad.  Man, how am I going to be able to leave my cats here?  How is that even going to be possible?

Maybe all of the pain is some essential part of the process of finding a safe, new life.  I do not know how I will do this.